Trying to Balance Everything

There's an old saying in Nepal that roughly translates to "If you have your two feet in two boats at the same time, then you are bound to fall in the river". Now let's take it a step forward what if you alone try to balance ten boats at the same time? That's ridiculous, you will fail for sure. But yet there are people who try to do that. Let's take me for example.

I want it all, I want to have all. I don't want to be a subordinate to anyone in anything. I want to be a king, no, GOD of everything. I want to be the best one there is out there in everything that I like. I want to be the best son to his parents in the history of all sons, I want to be the best brother, the best friend for all my friends, the best player in all the games I play, the best teacher, the best lover if there is any love out there, the best musician, the best dancer, ... Wow, the list just keeps going. If I am to write all the things that I want to be best at, it will be a book series bigger then any book written till date, and it would also have to be the best one.

If God had gifted me a birthday gift of being the best at everything at my birth then it would have been a totally different story. But I received no such gift. I am as regular of a person to any of your next door neighbors. So am I the best at everything? The simple and easy to understand answer to that question would be , " No, I am not !!!".

I am not the best at a single thing, but I want to be, So, I just try to be best at everything. While I am trying to be best at everything, I end up trying to balance everything. A good example is far better than a good precept. Let me throw an example on how I end up trying to balance in my quest of becoming the best. I have a small startup and to be the best startup, I have to give my full-time to it. I shouldn't think of any other thing other than my startup but I also want to be the best in other fields too, like the best cook and I end up balancing this both thing. I have to cut some time from my time to focus on cooking something yummy. And I end up with a half hearted effort for both the thing. Now you may think that , it's good that I am cutting some time off my work and cooking in that time. If that was the case, it would have been perfect, i would be a good cook and cooking would have been a relaxation from my work. But the case is I am a horrible cook that's because, I not only want to the best cook but the best musician too. On a day you might see me cooking something after a hectic day at work and other day you might see me playing my guitar and on other day I might be studying world economics. It's good that you have knowledge from various fields might be your thinking but "Little knowledge is dangerous" and I end up with just too much in my plate and not good at anything. And it's not that I end up being "Jack of all master of none" but i end up with something like "Jack of something Good for nothing".

I don't know if others too feel the same, I don't know if others also want to be Best at everything or is it just me? But for me trying to be best at everything has taken its toll on me, I have given full hearted but not enough effort at everything. And it's not because I don't want to but I have to give effort to everything. Because I want to give effort for everything, there have been many nights where I haven't slept for even an hour, there has been times where I just wanted to relax but had no time to. I have lost many friends due to this nature of mine, because you just can't keep everyone happy and with this want to be best at everything attitude it's hard to keep anyone happy and I get this feeling that me trying to be best has hurt everyone in a way or another.

Sometimes I end up thinking, should I change the way I am, but you can't change who you are. Whatever I do, I have this competitive nature inside of me that just won't let be not be best. I don't know where this path will lead me to, I don't know if it's a good or bad path but I have this thing that makes sure that I am always in this path and if you are also in similar path as mine, it would be great to talk about it. And if you are not then I hope that you are getting what I am trying to express. And if you are not getting what I am trying to express, let me share one last thing with you. You have gone through all of this that I have written and you should have a pretty clear idea that I am one of the worst writers out there, but I write anyway. This thing that I have written has not been edited , it's just what came to my mind, it's not a planned out writing. It is just me trying to be best writer but since I have to be best at everything, I ended up giving a full hearted effort but for not enough time and hoping that it's so good that I become the Best writer in human history , but you know I know that it's not going to happen , but I just can't stop doing this.

I want to be Best at everything but I can't and in the quest of trying to be best at everything, I end up trying to balance everything that makes my wish of being "Master Of All" into a reality of "Jack of something Good for nothing".